Chronic Illness
Have you been diagnosed with a Chronic Illness such as Lupus, MS, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Sickle Cell Anemia, Fibromyalgia, diabetes, or countless other Invisible (or visible) Diseases? If so, then you have probably felt like you were on an emotional roller coaster! Why are you feeling this way and who do you talk to about feeling out of control, depressed, or scared about possible oncoming changes in your life.
Often people try to talk to their specialists about Depression or Anger about their situation but no matter how wonderful your Specialist is, often S/He doesn’t have time to talk about anything besides your physical symptoms and medications. And they aren’t trained to help you with feelings that are emerging as you learn more and more about your disease and how your life will change.
Finding a support group can be a good start if you don’t mind talking to a large group of strangers. Some people feel that they would rather talk to one person, like a therapist but are afraid that your typical therapist won’t really understand what it is like to deal with chronic pain, having to take several pills throughout the day, or deal with the anger you experience when getting out of bed in the morning feels like an aerobic workout!
Now, I’m not suggesting that you have to find a therapist that is experiencing chronic illness to help you. But I happen to be struggling with several chronic illnesses – Systemic Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, and a few other auto immune diseases! I refer to myself as an “auto immune disease over achiever.” When I was diagnosed in 1994 I was in graduate school and felt as though my world had exploded. I tried to find a therapist to talk things over with, but most of the individuals I spoke with either had never heard of Lupus, or didn’t understand why I was depressed. I heard over and over, “Well, it’s not like you have BREAST CANCER!”
Not. Helpful.
Yes, they were right, I didn’t have Cancer, but I had a lot of diseases that were causing me to have swelling, severe pain in my joints and muscles, and at that time, there weren’t a lot of strong drugs to suppress my diseases or symptoms. So I was really angry. And sad. And scared. My friends tried, but they all seemed to say the wrong things. And as time passed, I found that many of my friends were tied of calling and hearing that I was back in the hospital, or having a “bad day.” They didn’t understand why I couldn’t make plans for next Thursday because I didn’t know how I was going to feel next Thursday.
WHY THERAPY?
Do you HAVE to go to therapy when you find out you have RA or MS? No. Would it help your quality of life, I think so. I work with a lot of people, like you, that are struggling every day to deal with a lot of emotional feelings that they don’t want to share with their friends. Maybe it’s because you are afraid of sounding “ungrateful” or “whiny” or like a broken record – saying the same things over and over and over again. Many times, even our most devoted friends just get tired of us complaining about how we feel.
When you are with me, I understand how you feel. Maybe we don’t have the same diseases but I get what it is like to struggle with help problems. A significant amount of marriages fall apart when one person has a chronic illness – the marriage can’t handle the strain of the increase in medical bills, the required attentional needs from the ill partner.
The bottom line – 75% of marriages where one partner has a chronic illness are destined to fail.
Although statistics don’t tell the WHOLE story (ie WHY do 75% of marriages fail) but I think that one reason may be that the ill person is often alone or isolated most of the day. Then when their spouse comes home they need a sounding board. Eventually, the healthy spouse get’s tired of hearing the same story day after day – because face it. When you have an illness, often each day flows into the next day. In the beginning, sure you are surrounded by friends. But as time goes on, and you don’t get better, people move on with their own lives. Which is only natural.
But when you feel like you are trapped in a fish bowl, watching the world pass you buy, you feel lonely and angry, which exacerbates your pain, and you have no one to share with. Therapy is a safe place to let go of your feelings. My office is very comfortable, I can provide you with pillows or a blanket, you can bring a heating pad if that makes you more comfortable. You can sit or lay down. And each week as we talk about your anger and depression, I never get bored. I am 100% focused on YOU for that 50 minutes.
If you are unable to make it to my office we can do some session over the computer (skype or bibbil) or on the phone. That way if you are having a bad day and can’t deal with getting out of your sweats and driving to my office, we can do the session from your bed or sofa, with the laptop in front of you.
Can I cure your disease? Sadly, no. But I can help you deal with the emotional aspects of having a chronic illness. The things that scare or anger you, that you aren’t able to tell even your closest friends. You don’t have to pretend to be strong with me. You don’t have to minimize with me.
You can just be you. And let me help you work through your depression about the fact that your life isn’t at all the way you imagined it would be.
